| I.m.p.a.s.s.i.o.n.e.d.: "The Zeal Within, Can you sense it?" |
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| With The Likes Of ``Trust`` and ``Belief.`` |
[29 Sep 2007|04:31pm] |
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Partial zZZ muse? |
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``Trust is something valuable, Because, It's something difficult to attain, Yet easy to shatter. Those who broke it --after going through much hardships (to achieve that) - Are really Nuts. `` --In the words of Hiro. Well, I just realized, slowly that there are a lot of people whom I don't trust and only a tad few -- at the count of fingertips-- are worthy of that form of a credibility. Either way, they have only themselves to blame, for lying through the teeth, or betrayals that they intend to keep by such ridiculous duplicities: Ever seen those types, whereby people can just already -see- and -notice- that those are just helpless little lies spunned to cover up their mistakes further? Disappointment. Yes. Certain things are really this obvious, even if they aren't spoken out literally in words. Thus, at this point, a linkage between ``friends`` without ``Trust`` is naturally futile and fruitless, for there is no base to support any existences of these ``bonds`` in the first place. It is just like building castles in the air, and something that is neither practical, nor realistic. Come on now, people, learn to be more mature in terms of thinking.
Secondly, there are those people who will beg for forgiveness, after they have made tremendous mistakes again and again- possibly using this as a lame excuse, or for extremely doltish, compulsive habits to find themselves a chance to probe, spread abominable gossips and engender E-dramas for their likes. Irritating people, like that. They seek popularity just by doing so, Yes- and basking in such attention too, so that people can turn to them for ``stories`` and ``tales``: just because they are ``friends`` or ``ex-es`` of another ``popularly-discussed`` person around. These types of humans live life too inquisitively- yet, prior the transience of time: once they note that the ``purpose`` or main ``subject`` of the things they yearn to gossip and speak ill about are gone, they would even go down on their knees to beg, and even use ``insincere apologies`` as ``extenuations`` to try to persuade people to relent and accept them: just so, they can infiltrate like execrable viruses and repeat the same stupid acts and find themselves a ``reason`` of living life in a community cluster. I can only term these people as extremely ``pathetic`` without a real ``life``, and I bet no one could ever seriously forgive these two types of people either. Yet, pretty understandable as I see it to be. Perhaps, I just don't want those arrogant clowns to lose their faces in public, that is why I am putting in here. These are my main reasons, for disliking some people majorly- and, I would keep them ``nameless`` at the moment- fair enough to do so, because I detest dramas or people over-reacting over such posts again. It is very annoying, and I don't want that either. People who read this, know clearly themselves if I'm referring to them, or not. Shouldn't be much of a problem, or any offensive to those who doesn't do such things and are good. No one wants or likes hypocrites around, as well as to hear from them, even- like I've said in the previous post. Oh well. There are people who don't learn, anyway.
For those who are nice, and cherishes friendships as they are, I seize this opportunity to thank,and salute you for the very kind efforts of keeping treasured linkages, communication-wise, as well as for mutual support. I make sure to dedicate myself, to anything that is required of me, to assist and help any of you in need. All time support, that I shall maintain in return, to keep our good friendships secure, and as nice as ever. Maybe because, there aren't many who treasures such things, that it makes me cherish you guys more- for being such great friends in return. Adore all of you guys who care. And, I care for you too in return. No matter what, I will just be there. You dudes, though not very many and only a few, are simply fantastic. [<3.]
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| Some People Are Being Really Brainless. [Flaming Post.] |
[28 Sep 2007|10:54pm] |
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*Burning in lividness* |
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..Seriously, it makes me wonder if people are really that -dumb- not to be able to -Differentiate- between IC/ A.k.a In-Character, and OOC / Out-Of-Character. Which entails two particular people's mental capacities, and their abilities to catch ahold of Ooc moments, as well as real life people talking to another casually using short phrases and one-lining, without the ``-C-`` or paras to insinuate that an ``IC roleplay`` is going on. Then, they will go around, backstab, and diss other people's IC characters just because of the person's OOC attitude: as well as NON-Ic words directed to others in --speeches--. Then claim others' IC characters as mere thrash and a disgrace- while, they don't at all roleplay or give any decent paragraph/multiple-paragraph posts worth of anyone's attention in rooms either, and NO one is even being IC at the moment.
Sorry that I didn't type 'PARA', and 'Multi's, because there are really stupid retards/ e-drama faggots who might not understand such simple terms. Once more, I emphasize the point of ``Lies``, and how dishonorable it is to lie about simple things like ``ANNOYANCE`` about certain things, as well as making a mountain/hill out of a small matter: like, 1. Bringing your personal agenda and stupid fetish about characters that aren't even created for you in the first place-- God damned, there is no fixed rule that states that a character -MUST BE- with another overrated character, in the game either. And, Fucking shit. I do platonic, and serious roleplays with others -[If Only], IC Characters- based on how the particular character would logically,and platonically react to another, in the game does, when IC. No Romantic roleplays off characters of other people, whom I am not with OOC. Seriously, have you ever seen HxS Kissing in the game? NO. So, stop the overrated thing and taking it as `real.` Everyone is just the same. And also, Thing is, NO ONE is even IC at the moment, so, Don't complain. 2. If, you haven't seen my IC posts directed to those involved in roleplays, Do NOT assume, that I will bring my OOC muse into IC paragraphs/multis. I've been here for 6 years, and I intend to keep at a level of professionalism, when working on my IC characters' posts: whom may,or MAY NOT, be too different from my OOC self depending from chara to chara and series to series. EITHER WAY, Don't even Stupidly compare Ic-characters to the OOC Person, AND make yourself appear this stupid and an utter disgrace for not being able to differentiate In-Character/ or Out-Of Character moments. Thank YOU very much. Also, funny as it is, 3. Don't give others a reason to look down on you, for overreacting too much over other people's Ooc behaviours. Nobody needs Dramas around, and Nobody, seriously, likes to have hypocrites as friends. So, don't go around saying, ``I still like you! You are my friend.``, if you do such dishonorable things. It's laughable. A lot of people are complaining to me at the moment, which is why I am even starting a LJ post at this point. Some people are really being cowards, now. ...Not even daring to face up to the reality, that it is also upon the fact that 1, any statements in the rooms as of late without tag ``-C-`` and NON-para posts aren't IC, 2. That, if you are annoyed with the OOC person ``slightly`` for that attitude, don't push the blame and bash my IC characters' attitudes since no roleplays are going on. Utter stupidity.
Either way, some hypocritical, really dumb ex would just pop out of nowhere randomly, just to im me about being still ``good friends``. Stupid person. If you are really interested in being ``friends``, then why were you being such hypocrite by spreading failing gossips such a long time ago. These people are an utter shame in yahoo that needs to be gotten rid of, for good, in no time. A Crucification of everyone's eyes to see. Under my list of Condemnation now for sure. I'm forgiving, but not -this forgivingly-stupid- to give others a chance to cheat me again. When the trust there is gone. Don't expect me to treat you the same, but expect ill, or almost cold-shouldered treatment. These are your own fucking faults, not mine. Don't mind the Off-colored ``humor``, or sarcasm too, if you see me around and tried to acknowledge me. I detest people like you are. That's why. Don't tell anybody that you are all my ``friends``, that is the real ``disgrace``-- If, you do the same thing to them, and they told me about it, I wouldn't of known where to hide my face for being mentioned about being ``friends`` with you.
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| Mad. |
[17 Aug 2007|09:47pm] |
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-Angry Muse.- |
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Okay, Yeah. I am damn pissed at a lot of things at the moment. Pardon me if my responses to any of you are short or anything. I do seem snappish, yes. But it is upon the fact that I care, and that I do love you, that I am this concerned about your pessimism, your mental stability. I hope to bless you with every sense of my optimism too, so that you won't get agitated too much these days. I care, I CARE! God damn it. I'm concerned because my feelings for you are there. If I don't love you, I wouldn't have showed you so much concern. Simple like this. Love does not just revolve about romantic feelings, but of hope,faith and supporting one another too, when one of 'em is down. That is all. Fine, I think I am just going to stop right here instead of saying any more.
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| Hiro loves Candies and Randomness. |
[13 Aug 2007|08:38am] |
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Hiro with a numbed cheek.
....Once more, randomness had infiltrated my mind. I was cheering and flailing and jumping out of bed in the morning for no reason, trust me, I am ok! .:: Cheeks puffed out from big bites off Donut-kuns.:: ....Oh dear..My Cheek felt numbed, but nevermind.. Ok, I actually played around with my Cuilan sn, and I must admit....Sugar really makes me hyper. Despite that I lack ability to feel inside the mouth where the cheek is on the outside? Heck, this is confusing now... I don't know? .:: Flails arms energetically, snickering.:: Yah! ...Also...in my head..It's all 'Yay, Donut-Kuns, Cupcake-Kuns and Swissroll-kuns make the perfect breakfast, Lunch treat and dinner!' I do intend to get all of these today as my main foods.. I'm sick of rice and I don't like rice anyway. .:: Makes a face.::
Whew, fever subsidized...But the rashes are still persistent, I do not know what to do about it. Damn itchy as hell! ...Nh'nn~ Mm'kay...Yah..So I've had people who said...[*People like MaaMaa-BeeptakeitthatIdidn'tsaythat!*] `` How **--OLD--** already? God damn it, behave your age!`` .:: Shrug.:: But it can't be blamed. I look young and I'm a kid at heart, don't kill me. People who made a big fuss about it are silly. Ok~ The best candies to Hiro~~ .:: Drumrolls.:: Malt Candy! Chocoretto-kun! Milk Toffee Candy! Rainbow-colored, swirly lollies! Sakaki! Wait...No...That's not a candy. ....But...Yeah. By now it's quite very obvious the reason, 'why' already. . ::Ahems.:: Yah! To continue with the list! Lemon Pop! Soda Candy! etcetc! Wai~! In all honesty~! .:: Raises hand, almost to volunteer?! For nothing~!.:: I'll love to be the first candidate in tasting different types of chocolate-kuns~! Un! .:: Total Flail!.:: And also! Help elderly people! Help everyone~! Whenever there's anyone who needs me, I'll be there to offer support ne, I'm saying this to my Friend-kuns, whom I've known for years, though once more......Not many. Also those that I've known recently too. Yah, you guys can count on me.
Oh my god! Just this morning as I woke up at 6am...Ne...I glanced around...why's that most of the people are either not online, or are sleeping? Um...But I kind of thought it's mostly evening for most, prior to time differences. ....Mm'kay..Nevermind. ...Anyway... I think I am getting really lazy. Like a 'Nyaaaa~' type of cat. Also, I'm having the sudden urge to just crawl and paw gently over something. With a '= =' type of expression yah? No...But then right now I'mflusteredcompletely! I don't know why though! .::Random, Sirabasu moment perhaps.:: Mm'kay~ Now, I'm thinking of jumping onto my bicycle and get a ride around the streets! With a bit of fresh air, of beautiful nature and the deep blue skies! I always think, the carefree stretch of clouds form a milkyway of optimism, of hope somehow. Whenever I take a look at them...I become a sanguine person. Mh'm! No kidding. ``Tooozen DAAA~! Maa` Rakkan shuugisha Wa Sora Wo Nozokikonde MasuMasu Rakutenteki Ni!`` [In plain Hiro words: Of course! An optimist who looks at the skies becomes more and more optimistic!] . Ahem. Do not steal my phrase. That's copyrighted and Hiro-personalized. .:: Wags finger.:: Yah~ Anyway...The .Hack://GU rp this morning in im is awesome. Bet it's my energy booster for me, of the day. I'm loving that. 'Otta thank darling-kun for the really nice efforts~! And yes...that, I really appreciate. Pretty nice paras too.
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| .:: Streeeetch.:: Morning! |
[09 Aug 2007|07:11am] |
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Hiro: White.
Whew. .:: Rubs an eye.:: The brumalities of such cold weather....Seems to cause nothing but a little flu trouble over here. Running a minor fever, but I assure you guys that I will be alright. Mm'kay...I'm still up the usual time...as of late, at 7am, sitting down, and working on a few profiles, researching about something as well. The coldness never did seemed to end, did it? Yet, I'm thankful that there isn't any sun today. Didn't want it to aggravate my rashes, or it to end up itching incessantly. There are many scratch marks on my skin now...T'ch. ...No...Do not think of me as a lazy little bear climbing a tree...from just what you see above. I am -stretching.-, in the morning. I sat here...Working on several things, lacking of a decent jacket to keep me warm.
Mm'kay...Ahem...I do not understand....What is wrong with me today. I think, it's either my rashes, or that my face is really red. .....Nevermind about it...Anyway, Four more new profiles down the row. Done with my Kura, Makkusu.. Now, I must try to complete my Tooru. Though I'm not even one-third down the profile, my apologies.. Oh dear. No, I accidentally clicked the wrong window...So, it isn't counted. ...Shit! Like totally. I'll continue when I return at night, usual time, over my side. Ok. I am not really sweet, I know that...But I will try my 200% best to be nice, to everyone I know. Yah. I've a good temperament, though. This I am aware. I hardly lose my temper, or at all. I don't think I inherit my genes from either side of my parents...yeah...From...Let's say...Temper, Personality....To features. Yah. My MaaMaa's temper is bad. My Daddy...I 'unno, since we lost contact over the years, after MaaMaa divorced daddy. But I personally don't think he has a good temper also...Again, I don't know. .:: Confused.:: ....This is so puzzling.. Once again, I think I only have a trait that resembles MaaMaa. I can roll my tongue, yeah! But I'm not going to show it here, or in any pics. Ne, it's like...odd, yah. Then everybody will laugh at me, correct? So, I'm sparing myself that trouble.
Okay. I think I have this weird 'complex' going on..I think I'm addicted to someone like I did for my sugar intake. Hiro's ALARMED SQUEAK: I'm HOPELESS! But again...Without sugar...I will die. Those of you who knows me well, already know why. I'm not going to say it here, for a confidential reason. Man, it's still raining...And it's afternoon already. I'm beginning to think my hyper side is scary. Help? Yah. I'm sick. But I'm so hyper and energetic. I won't faint! I am strong that way. I will recover really fast, I promise. Sigh...Yet I dread the flu I'm currently having. xD! Ok....Weird. I'm laughing and giggling now for no reason. Like Oh My God! Whilst listening to some 'Physical' song on MTV Channel....I remember the song name, but not the singer's. Don't pull this 'Puberty' shit on me, as I'm already an adult. And a lot older. Now it's ``Yuki No Hana.`` Thankfully...I stopped laughing. Whew. I don't know why...Today, I'm in such an odd mood, I need help.
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| `` You are all I want. `` |
[07 Aug 2007|11:59am] |
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The Breeze. |
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Hiro's [:+:] D.o.o.r [:+:] Of [:+:] H.o.p.e.
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| .A Drastic [Comparison] Scale, Of Past Hiro and Current Hiro's Personality. |
[03 Aug 2007|08:21pm] |
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~The Wind~ |
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` ` ....Who on Earth is -happy- to even ANTICIPATE! I am a person, who cannot spell his agony out in words. I am a person, who is greedy and destined to get nothing in the end. I am a person, who is incapable of expressing his love clearly, with his own voice. I am a stubborn weakling who keeps his head high to watch the skies, without the falling of any tears from my eyes. ` ` I remembered saying these words eight years ago, and this was really how I was like, back then. Notable difference, eh. I guess people change, with the transience of time. Years and years have passed by, loneliness may plague me like a virus in reality, apathy getting to me like it no longer meant a single thing for I am numbed- it is this numbness...Somehow, that really allows me the room, to walk on strongly, pick up on my feet and continue my paths despite the wounds I've attained. I strongly believe,that is how life should be. I repeat, this is the me, many years ago. No Optimist, but a pessimist, that is all.
I cannot sympathize with people, but I am capable of empathizing pain. That is why I can see and feel one's deepest emotional wounds, inflicted by various factors, or maybe I've grown sensitive, and out of my past numbness, because I can truly use my heart, to sense, to touch that of another's: the healing of wounds, a miraculous medicine lies with the word...'Empathy.' `` Why am I caring? Why am I compassionate?`` I could hear myself asking that question to the mental psyche, constantly hoping to decipher the answer, and I finally did. ` ` To open your eyes, to unlock the darkness and see. To open up your senses. To open up, your ability to understand, to feel freely, let the freedom of existences, of emotions flow by the most natural of manners. To open up your heart, to see what others' can't, in the deepest of one's mind. Come on now, you can feel!`` This, is the solution. The reason, why there is such a drastic change in my personality from many years ago, to how I am, currently. Shocking revelation, isn't that? Frankness, by all honesty, people make mistakes, because they aren't carved out to be perfect. People learn from mistakes. People believe in what they choose to believe in. People can choose to see themselves, as either 'Strong', or 'Weak'. I choose to be strong, and walk on, that way I am able to explore more possibilities and feel freely. I am freed. It's such a great feeling to see and face the skies bravely now-- not as the person I used to be, but, the person I currently am.
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| Pensive. |
[31 Jul 2007|11:18pm] |
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.::Hiro-Kun's zZ sounds.:: |
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Hiro Kun: Once more, A Stoic's expression prior to so many pensive thoughts.
..Mm'kay.....Today...Is rather a thrilling one, though I am also slightly bored-- Mainly getting the AIM Web Messenger to work, managed to get in.. Pining for darling's presence, too. So much. I wonder if the connection got cut off, over his side...Either way, Sakaki, if you ever happen to read through this entry, do let me know the AIM name. Left mine, over your LJ, check through it if there's a need. ....Seriously doubt that I can miss somebody so much, until I got to know this one. Couldn't help, but think silently,to myself,too. Hoping the family reunion turn out fine,and well, of course wishing silently for my darling to be well.
Also, slightly glad, that my gastric and knee isn't giving me a hell of a problem today..Always got a bad ache, over these two areas. Last night, couldn't really sleep, just a lot of things on my mind. So...Ended up waking at three, sat somewhere in a corner. With nerdish! specs and munching on a donut, despite having my teeth brushed. No,No, I don't get toothaches...Bah. Now,I finally figured a way, on how to help...Wouldn't disclose it here. Check the offlines for more details, darling-kun.
I can only say...Ne. Feelings, are feelings, and they won't change. For you, I know it is worth it. Love has no boundaries, afterall. Will root for you throughout! And this is a strong, unbreakable bond..because of the basis,and understanding we both share. Will try my best to help, and take very good care of you.
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| Hiro-Kun's Way of Life. |
[30 Jul 2007|01:52pm] |
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``...When you don't fork in enough effort, never expect to get a fruitful result.`` All these types of theories, began to set my mind in a ruminative mood. Indeed, on this Earth, there're people I know, who works very hard for the things they aim to achieve, though not many- yet, eventually, it can be completely different from many factors: 1. A change in the ambience itself, 2. A change in personality, of another crucial factor: People around one. 3. Those who stays the same without any improvements as the standards go higher. The only solace that one may seek, can only be in this one, `` As long as you've given in your best, no matter how it would turn out: There would be no regrets.`` This, I believe.
People can feel free to believe, in what they choose to trust- The freedom of existence, of sincere opinions, of emotions, of thoughts, rendered this possible. I lead this path, in pursuit of peace. True though. Wouldn't say, 'Yay. I am totally as free as the skies~!', but, I've learnt to respect, the way people are. The reasons, behind their nature, their actions. Doing things unreasonably and fighting non-stop isn't the real solution out. Neither would lies help too. Lies are still lies, white lies or not. Though I can try my best to understand, the reason behind the urge, to spin lies, it does not make me someone who accepts such a thing: Moral of the story, speak crap, and I know it, I am going to bat a lid, shrug and say that you're full of glib talk and there is no reason for me to accept these words.
Right now~ Damn! Mp3 Player's throwing some kind of a pissyfit again.. Some of the files uploaded to it just randomly skipped to places of irregular order. T'sk. .:: Headpalms.:: What a headache.. Now..I am secretly thinking of something. Yah. But I'm not going to tell what it is over here. Really want to know, just leave me an im message on yahoo, I guess...Offline, or anything. No mischief though, I swear.
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| ...A touch of hope. |
[27 Jul 2007|11:28pm] |
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.::Insert Hiro-Mewls here.:: |
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...This morning, I played a race against time. Seizing every bit of opportunity to be on, I bet. Don't worry, Gastric pain had subsidized...This, I can assure the lot of you-- though not very many-- who cares. Somehow, in people's smiles, I find hope. At least, a guy like me is capable, of bringing smiles, that alone is a pleasure. A very pleasant one, that is. Sigh. Though a certain real life bitch is there, bitching non-stop at me again at 6am, for nothing. Annoying. What a complete waste of time. I truly dislike being looked upon like a 'child', just because of my childish appearance, and not my actual age. People who gives no shit about the inner psyche, nor another's opinions: just by judging appearances alone. .....T'ch. Yet, there ain't a choice, is there. Indeed. To understand another person is a difficult deal: and,to make that even worse, it is when zero effort is made in trying to comprehend and know another better---and, bitch nonstop whilst having a low level of understanding in mind. Once more, who cares. .:: Shrugs.::
Trust me, I've had good temper control. Not too bad a guy,eh. Speaking of which, there're at least reasons online that would cheer, and make me smile at the very least. Being appreciated, being cherished, is enough to bring a simple, yet genuine one. A touch of faith, A touch of hope. May it keeps you blessed, in return. Paper Crane, A Symbol of Peace: hoping to instil forth a sense of serenity, and calmness in you, at all times, that would aid recovery faster. I believe in destiny. A thousand paper cranes could grant a wish...So, for you, day by day, and someday. I'll get a thousand done. Truly wishing for you to be blessed, with good health, love,and faith. So that, you'll never go alone, ever again. Just like, an outstretch of rainbow in the vast skies, after a rain. The hope is ever there. Thank you, for giving me the opportunity, to have this. I will stay by your side always, to keep you company.
Truly touched, by the kind efforts of confession. Yet, I would see myself relating truthfully, as to how I seriously feel, whilst we first met. Perhaps, such a bond has always been existant. It's never an easy thing, to believe, and to trust another. With you, I feel otherwise. I know, I can trust you, with such secure credibility lining this bond we share. Once again, I smile. Every obstacle, we stride on bravely, with pride. Never, give up. You know I will be rooting for you, with all my heart. Wholeheartedly, I stay. Thank you....for letting me fall in deeper love, with you. No matter, how wretched life can be, you never did leave my side. Thank you, for letting me hold your hand in mine. It's so beautiful, that it is a familiar feeling. It's a life's promise.
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| Gastric pains, but, A Savior saved my day. |
[26 Jul 2007|06:44am] |
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Pitter-patter,Pitter patter. |
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Smiling, or not at all smiling?
...Gastric problem, for the whole of this morning... Somehow, this is affecting my current mood a little bit, as the pain from such ailment is there. Yet, I'm strongly suppressing it, and trying to keep this ache under control. For some reason, I feel a little nauseatic, since morning.. Which majorly sucks, correct? Mh'n. Now pondering, if I should have breakfast or not...Didn't want to puke all the food out, or feel more terrible physically. I might go see a doctor, though. Before lunch, my time, that is. .:: Stretches.:: Didn't want to appear,like some frail-bodied old 'child' on the outside, when I myself, ain't even a kid in terms of age, and mental psyche. Now, I miss having my donut: It's just right on the table..So tempting. I feel like eating it. .:: Munches.:: Mh'm, Hiro+ Donuts attract ants, as ever,this I am very certain.
Nik-Kun's return, has saved my day. Seems like, anything sad in this world, could disappear, just from his kind words, his touches, alone. That is why...As we do the same for one another....This marriage, means something this special, this significant to me. Never can it ever be replacable, by just anything, by, just anyone. This happiness I get, can be obtained, nowhere else, but only here. In our safe little home together. I couldn't help, but set my eyes fixed on only you. You always've had a way, to make me smile. To touch my heart, genuinely. And I promise,with all my heart, that I do the same, no matter what. Always, I just yearn to be with you. Daily. Nothing else, could ever made me smile in so sincere a way that I've never been, before. ...You're important. You're essential. You're just like a part of myself, and my heart. Regardless of anything,with you, I know I can overcome it, without any fear.Thus, strong. I believe, in our love together. Your smiles...Your Blushing expression....Your caring nature...all, are imprinted in my heart, and my mind. I will never forget. And, I will cherish...I love you. More than ever, right from this moment onwards.
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| For my beloved, Be blessed with faith and hope. |
[23 Jul 2007|07:01pm] |
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Hiro, expressing his deep concern: Though he can't draw very well. Obviously.
...Taking very good care of my sweet dear, has become a main, precious priority in my life, I bet. Somehow, upon knowledge of the other's illness, I do feel an urge to just dump everything else I have in mind, just to show my concern, and help ensure a better, faster recovery. ...Everything, just comes from the heart, naturally, thus special. ...This is really, the best I can draw. Though I know I can't really draw well...... In the meantime, I shall resume what I'm currently doing, and making sure that my darling tree is well.
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| ......... |
[21 Jul 2007|01:03am] |
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Hiro: A Very Gentle Smile, as a facade?
"Home? What is home. I don't have one." A young boy of 13 years old, [10 years ago] would seriously question the notion of this word-- Not because he is a naive, young one, but because, he had never understood what family warmth is-- prior to inexperience, perhaps. Apathy shown to him, by his only kin, thus offered in return as a "Favor". Yet in return, covet, jealousy and ire would infiltrate his mind, as he noticed how fortunate others who doesn't at all appreciate their warm,loving family when they all have one. ...This boy........Has grown up with a hidden hatred, and A silent jealousy.
...When there is no love within a family-- an incomplete one, one has to be really independent. Yet, this strength, is such a pathetic one. I see myself disregarding my 'family's presence. When it is never there, in the first place, with only 'apathy', and 'zero concern' existing in such a bond itself. So, I don't at all have one. It irks me immensely, when people would yell and whine at his/her parents for being overly-concerned, and for every single bit of the precious things, that they've prepared for them, out of care, and out of the strong need to strengthen the family bond. I couldn't help but envy. Hiro's instant thought: "Humanity is fucked up, majorly." I hate people who doesn't cherish, or treasure the kindness shown to them, when it is clearly present. As much as I despise those who sees their family's genuine concern as 'Inquisitiveness'. Seen a very young person, this morning, who would actually complain, and confront his grandmother for buying such a 'lousy' tennis racket. Such ingrates. It makes me wonder, 'God Damn it, what's wrong with the young people nowadays? Fucked up piece of crap. Whilst people who desire family concern doesn't get to have it, and had to learn things the hard way, there're always fortunate people who will complain non-stop."
..Maybe, it is only when people had to do things, all by themselves, that they learn to cherish. Whilst my own family fails in completion, prior to a certain,only kin's belief that 'He shall always be only, -That Person's- son, nothing more', that I know and comprehend what the word, 'Utter Despise' means. Shan't say anything more about this topic, for it is a complete waste of time to even comment on this 'person','Bitch who doesn't face reality as it is'. Sigh. Disgusting. With people who would go, 'Boy with S.A.P!', and 'This boy is so abnormal.', in the past of course.
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Apparently Married, and it makes me smile, at the thought of one who genuinely cares. Couldn't help but be happy. Thank you, so much, for giving me a reason to believe in the term, 'Our New...Safe Home'. ...As, I've finally found it, in someone I've grown to love, sincerely, with all my heart. Words could never explain enough, of my gratitude, and love. ....Such warmth, such closeness....last night, has given me a new purpose, to believe, and to trust, when it is shown, with so much sincerity. I may not be from a good family, but I promise that this 'family' between us shall go on strongly- Sincerely, hoping for it to everlasting. At least, a guy like I am, could really harbor true feelings. Once more...Missing Sakaki. Immensely.
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| Renewed Post: ..Phew! ...I did it! [Sorry. My Earlier one is very random. Thus correction.] |
[20 Jul 2007|10:17am] |
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Hiro: In the early morning. Forgotten to change.
...So...Yes...I really did managed to say,what I truly wanted to..And yes...It is official that Hiro loves Sakaki. Not just simply a minute crush at the beginning: But one, developed into deep,full-fledged feelings after a lot of quality time together..And likewise on that aspect...I did proposed. This, is to the dear one, who is my everything: "Ai Ga Me Bae Ta~! Kimi Ni Deaetta Sono Toki Kara `Mou hitori janai to Oboetanda.....Donna Kanashii Kotomo ``Kowa Garu Kotowa nai..Kimi No Te Wo Nigiri Aruteiru. Anata Nara Kamawanai....Aishiteru. Sakaki. [Hiro's T: ...Love grows~! Right from the moment I see you, I thought to myself, that I'm not lonely anymore... No matter how devastating things can be, Don't be scared, I will hold your hand tight..I don't mind if it's you....I love you, Sakaki.]" ....Will be more than willing, to dedicate myself, to caring for you, now and ever. You know, you deserve this more than anything. On the health part, you aren't alone, I will keep it at my best, to maintain and sustain it well, along with you. For you, I know, it is just worth it. More than anything else. I can no longer imagine, a life without you. For this long,life journey together......I do sincerely hope, that you will allow me a chance,to walk hand in hand,and side by side with you. I suppose...I truly have fallen, deeper, for you....In this time, as we confide, in one another frankly, and honestly. I indulge, in the pleasure of such transparency, that has never been shown to me,by any others, before. ..............I love you so much.........
Being with you, gives me such a special sense of ecstacy. Perhaps, as you smile, and as you say the simplest words as you mean it..........It gives me, a reason, to stay. To smile. To love you, more than ever. Promise me, if you should agree to the proposal, that you will cherish life..As I strive, always, to boost your courage, to make your days from now on, more wonderful than ever. ....You are very,very significant.......Just like...a part of myself, already. I suppose, it can't be helped. Yet I would see myself wanting to appreciate, you, for who you are, ill, or not....In a relationship whereby judgement is irrelevant....You're a nice person. Nevertheless. Your presence in my heart, lits a previously-embittered heart with faith, and hope once more, and I yearn to stay by your side just to do the same thing... To protect you from all sorts of harm. To be concerned about your wellbeing. You're all I need.............Awaiting, silently, for your precious answer. --With determined passion, and 101% of sincerity, Asahiro-Kun.
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| Inner Thoughts, for today. Want to read, go ahead. Don't want to, don't even. |
[18 Jul 2007|12:59am] |
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...Woke up at 8am, to nothingness. ...In fact, I wondered why am I up this early, mh'n. ...Having the same recurring dream isn't fun, afterall. Taking good care of the wound on my knee for a bit, and I begin to ponder certain truths to myself. Been always thinking, as long as I tried my best in everything, then it is already fine. And I will always keep trying, keep caring. Because people, and the rest deserve more concern than I personally do. Yet, I am tired. As I keep giving out, I get the feeling that people do not sincerely appreciate it, in reality, of course. Sure, I am truly a sincere, all time nice guy as I am often told: But who is there to care for me, in return eventually? I guess this is such an unnecessary, stupid thought to be even existing in my mind, though it can't be helped.
Very honestly speaking, I truly dislike being eyed in a different, ostracizing way just prior to my heritage. As well. As a result, I am always alone. Who cares whether this is a fair thing or not. I'm dealing with life as it is with a devil-may-care attitude, but I am majorly sick of people in general. Should I just go back to sleep with such sickness in mind? Ain't a choice, I bet.
As I have said, Nobody is perfect. And, neither am I. I do have my flaws, no matter how 'wonderful' I may seem to some. I dislike pretentious people, even more. That's about it. Used to be this guy with a serious attitude problem, and I wonder, how in all miracles did I change to someone that I am, currently. S.A.P, of three symptoms, 1. 'Strong dislike for the world.' 2. 'Cold and Insensitive to the ambience's changes.' 3. 'Shunning and disregarding mendacities and the people who spinned such, because I could sense it better than anyone else.' .......And, my heart is almost like a battlefield. When, my good side battles with my bad for dominance. I am hoping that I do not erupt, and become somebody I used to be. That way, I'll hate it more. As much as such hatred would blind my heart when this happens.
---------------------------------------------------------[A Special Courage]-------------------------------------------------------------------------
That aside....Ne, However, Sakaki/Nik-Kun. Your kind words last night, really do spur me on further with courage, and that did really touched me. Perhaps, this is the thing that keeps me sane, and caring as usual. I know, and understand, that once again, medication is being a problem for the day, and I sincerely hope you are currently taking a sufficient rest of nine whole hours, or more, because I know you need it at the moment. I can be certain, after last night's words, that I could never grow bored of you too. You aren't alone, and neither are you a minor character, to me. Your significance in my heart, surpasses anything in this world, I do hope for you to take note of that, despite how mean the doctor was, earlier today morning for you. You aren't small, nor insignificant, regardless of how mean people would want to make you feel that way, you 'otta trust me. Thus, your presence is immense, and vast in my heart, nevertheless..Till the ends of time, I just want to be yours. Mh'm. Yes, All yours. And neither would I let go...I'll deal with that condition together, with you.
You are wonderful, you are worthy. You are just the best, you hear? You aren't just a simple person, nor just an ordinary 'passer-by' in my life-- You are very special. Extremely, very, More than anything else!! To make a difference in my life, to truly believe, to truly trust me, for me. And I know I can trust you too. Love deepens, as a result. I want, to be able, to take care of you for all my life. Likewise, I'll never forget that you are always here, for me too. I am missing you...Wholeheartedly at this moment. Just as long as your health is fine, I am already more glad than anything else.. Please stay strong. Like, you have tried your best, your, very,very best for me, I will do the same just for you. I love you so much, that I don't want anything to happen to your health, or to you... Right now, I am just very concerned. 'Kimi Ga Daisuki Daa! Kokoro Kara Sou Omotta. Sunao Ni Sou Omo Eru!' [In simplified words, 'I really love you. Really,really love you, from the bottom of my heart. I truly do think so.'] So, for tonight....Sweet dreams for you, as you rest. I'm pining for you already.....Since last night, my time, until now. --Hiro.
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| ...Ugh. Fuck it. |
[17 Jul 2007|02:14am] |
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Asahiro: Not hiding an ear. Peek a boo.
...Ugh. Enough, is damn enough. The, 'Since You look so cute on the outisde- you can live off a Sugar Mama/ Sugar Daddy without a problem,anyway.' thing is truly annoying me. Fucking work.. And yes, I'm damn pissed. I really hate it when people like a certain racist would comment casually when other people are working, thinking that they wouldn't know what he's saying. Fucked up piece of crap. Bet by the end of this month, I'm going to throw my letter of resignation at the racist-idiot's face and quit. Capabilities not appreciated, schedules changed all the time prior to the idiot's indecisiveness all the time- this entire thing is making me damn sick. Fuck it. Everything I do, seems to be bound under the main thing, 'Race'. God Damn it. I actually did said this,though: 'Son of a fucking bitch. Fuck this crap about changing the time schedules abruptly and all the time on the day itself: Especially when people do live faraway and it's a fucking waste of time to come to work. Fuck this shit.' And there goes the stupid thing about, 'Don't talk back because I am your supervisor', and this, 'Your race is inferior to mine' thing insinuated tacitly and directly across. ........Damn racists.
Fuck the world, fuck everything. Fuck racists especially. Damn fucking shit. Everybody lives in this world with a right to live and stride on with pride, no matter what race. Stupid ostracization about 'Inferior races' comes from so much narrow-mindedness that it automatically makes me pissed. These racists are all the same with those kinds of similar,lame excuses they get at just to prick at a different race. Yeah, I am really mad. But then, what makes me even more pissed....Is the loneliness that I'm reminded of, as a child a long time back then. Fuck. Not that I have a father, who cares! My mother being a self-obsessed bitch- who goes this far to start inspecting everything about me, from head to toe, and even checking my unwashed pants for anything or sniffing those in the pail when she thought I was asleep- so fucking what? I am strong enough to live my fucking life independently without either of them. Fuck them as well. Stupid fucking piece of shit they conjure up together and not facing up to reality. As much as I'm used to loneliness, and could turn into a completely different person when people bring it up, I truly dread this kind of feeling. Sick, Tired, and utterly disregarding it as a whole. Stupid fuck. Yet it is beccause I am often facing up to the reality and things I met with, that I see how ugly this world is. Nobody is perfect,anyway.
I'm going to counter all of these, with my 'Freedom Of Existence' theory. More so than ever. Just so stupid fucks would understand, how idiotic it is to pick on other races, and adopt favoritism in things. Tonight seems so much like a lonely one,however. How silent. I am hoping for something to break this silence, and set my mind awake and enthusiastic. Mithos-moment, I guess. Which I am beginning to hate. --Hiro.
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| A little bit pissed. But composed anger, I swear. |
[16 Jul 2007|08:56pm] |
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My muses? |
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Man, I think I'm going crazy that it's scary...But, I truly loathe racists. Especially at work, whereby a certain supervisor will just keep insulting your race behind your back, and thinking that you wouldn't know what he is saying in a different language that I happen to understand. Like, 'You, Go back to your native country', and all these stupid fuck. I admit, I am really pissed. But it's composed anger, I swear. Or, it could be just the, 'You and your people are all idiots as a whole', that makes me angered. Such insularity, sigh. I suppose I'll just not bother myself with stupid, narrow-minded people who can't stand a different race nor accept it- also, being childish enough to speak ill of another person's heritage and laughing at it. T'sk, irritating old piece of shit. Though it does makes me seem as though, I am not accepted either side, sometimes- Just bound to people giving me shit because of my name. Some of you already know what I mean...It's not the first time such shit had happened. I've been tolerating for a very long period of time already. Ire did brew in my heart, somehow. I think that's just a normal, natural thing altogether. Especially when there're ignorant fucks around who loves racism and is making fun of the entire thing frivolously. I'm pondering quitting, anyway. But I'll see what he has to say, as I'm going to ring him up before 12.30 afternoon today. Or maybe, I'll just ignore his request and not call him at all. Just thinking, why should I. Fine. I think I won't call him up, that's it, who cares!
Nh'n. Indeed, this world is vast, and immense, with all sorts of people with different mentalities living on it: yet, people who truly respect the freedom of existences are really rare. Thus, there is always a very clear line drawn between people. In a sense, that some people exude favoritism only towards their own kinds. Perhaps, since I was a child, I actually understood to some extent how there're people who wouldn't bother to mark your worksheets, deliberately leaving you out in games, and pricking very tactfully at you just enough for you to get their intentions. How bloody sickening, isn't such? Bah. I'll choose not to think about it, though, and focus on those who never minded such a thing. At least, it's more worth my time to be.
Thankfully, once more, Yahoo though shitty, had saved my day prior to the awesome lot of people on it. Quite glad that at least, there are people who care. And, I'll just return the favor contently and gratefully. Usually, it's this form of warmth I attained, that keeps me going on strong despite the prejudices I get in real life, whilst I make sure I work hard enough to change the world someday.
Anyway, I'm not a RODENT! >< I know my front teeth's slightly bucked. And not furry and small like a RABBIT!
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| With the likes of Hiro's hands, and randomness. |
[14 Jul 2007|04:03am] |
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The above. |
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Hiro: Giving a confused/lost vibe. Or maybe not.
Featuring a big glimpse of Hiro's hand and fingers,
as well as the all-time recommendation for good skin.
...Oh My God.. Some funny incident today just made me recall, the first English phrase I've learnt, many years back. That being: When the first Titanic Movie came out, I actually did exclaim at a random, 'You Jump, I Jump!' --Insert Chibi! Hiro's shrill, saccharine voice in here, and you get what I mean-- without knowing a heck, or attaining any understanding towards that phrase at all. Once more, what can a young, guileless little frank boy do, or react to those mushy kissing scenes? Gawping innocently in shock? ...No. Springing about and capering in circles, asa flustered boy? ....Not really. Continue watching, calmly and enthusiastically, with a tongue swirling against lips? Yess.
Apparently, on the updates part, I might be creating a Makkusu Mizuhara name, for beyblade randomness. Considering the type of oddball I am, I suppose I might come off with offlandish sns. Maybe a little bit of hack:// GU as well, after understanding the plot pretty well enough.. Looks like I've had a couple of things to look into, at the moment, eh. Currently concentrating, and listening to Darling Tree! Sakaki's stomach. Yess. The best stomach ever, to me. Man, I doubt I could ever miss anyone this much, before I got to understand, and know him much better- after confiding frankly in each other over things and growing closer over a considerable period of time. Anyway, Missing all good friends, and especially Sakaki. A very obvious reason, hinted across already. I am currently happy at the moment. As long as he is.
Before, I really depart and go off to bed, I suppose, as I listened to an old song- its lyrics do rhyme with my current feelings, so I'll dedicate it just below.
"If I had to live my life without you near me
The days would all be empty
The nights would seem so long
With you I see forever oh so clearly
I might have been in love before
But it never felt this strong Our dreams are young
And we both know they'll take us
Where we want to go
Hold me now
Touch me now
I don't want to live without you
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought know by now how much I Love You
One thing you can be sure of
I'll never ask for more than your love
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought know by now how much I love you
The world may change my whole life through
But nothing's gonna change my love for you
If the road ahead is not so easy,
Our love will lead the way for us
Like a guiding star
I'll be there for you if you should need me
You don't have to change a thing
I love you just the way you are
So come with me and share the view
I'll help you see forever too."
--- And indeed. Nothing's gonna change my love for you. It gives me a reason, to stay. Goodnight.
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| Kurokikawa: Officially pwned by his little sugar-secret. |
[13 Jul 2007|01:54am] |
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Kagayaku No Yoru- Do As Infinity |
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Kurokikawa [23]: No Longer A Young Thing.
...Once more, Work had creeped me out, again. I've finally returned, with a hollow state of mind. No,no, I'm ok. I can confirm to that, just really appalled at how...certain people over here..Who doesn't really knows english....speaks to me in that language.. Got quite a big shock...When a person in the train earlier murmured at a 'Can I pass away?', which should be just a simple 'Excuse me.' I don't know how to react to that, yet couldn't bring the heart to tell the person that it means the wrong thing.. As it seemed cruel to dishearten the person in front of everyone else. Sigh, scary. it's just like being asked for permission to die...Why wouldn't that freak me out?
Alright, as I reached home, thankfully I had my Mp3 player on- or else I'll still be haunted by those words I am sure. ...Ever seen a shocked person laughing? Now...I guess you guys do...Maybe I'm just a crazy man about, I'm thankful I didn't laugh in public... .:: Sweatdrops, nodding twice.:: .......With sugar all over my lips...I love donuts. And yes, new nickname will be: Sweet Tooth! Hiro. Sometimes, people will tell me off for my alarming sugar addiction....this one, 'If you eat the chocolates, donuts, pocky sticks and sugared buns, you will get diabetes.' But I've been taking sweet food since I was very little, a lot of years back. imagine, Chibi! Asahiro capering about with bags of donuts. Strawberry flavored, chocolate-chip flavored and sugar-flavored. Yes. Hiro attracts ants.
One other thing... Some of the following, either of these both categories, irl, that is: 1. Either Older people, or 2. Close friends would be like...'You old imp! Don't act like a kid.' Man. But I don't want to act like a senile old man. I am only 23 years old. Still a healthy one. And lively, not to mention, i can be caring, very. Yah. As age catches up with me, I bet I'll still be the same, and wouldn't change. Very sugar-loving, but not hyper. That's the difference.--Hiro, KyonKyon/Hikyon/ Hiro-Genii.
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